Roses, chocolate, and jewelry are all great gifts – but if you want to give your wife the ultimate gift of romance – give her the gift of Counseling. What could possibly be more romantic than saying, “I love you and value our marriage so much that I want to do everything I can to make it even better and stronger”.
Marriage counseling is not just a place to address problems, but it is a chance to develop and strengthen your relationship by building true intimacy.
Men, if you are looking for a gift to show your wife how much you love her and you want to increase the romance in your marriage – consider these ten reasons why Counseling is the most romantic gift you can give her…
1. Investment: Counseling is a major investment in your marriage. A woman has a need to feel loved and cherished…like she is the most important thing in your world. When you invest your time and money in the counseling process, you are showing her how important she is to you! Flowers and candy are short-term investments in love…Counseling is a lifetime investment in love with unending dividends.
2. Intimacy: Sexual intimacy increases when you build stronger emotional bonds with your wife. Counseling provides a place to overcome sexual issues and deepen your intimacy physically and emotionally. Increased intimacy will lead to increased sexual satisfaction.
3. Communication: The most important factor in a strong marriage is communication. Learning how to express yourself openly and honestly with your wife and gaining a better understanding of her communication style will increase how you much you “feel comfortable and connected” to each other.
4. Forgiveness: Hearing the words, “I’m sorry” or “I forgive you” is usually not enough to heal emotional and relational pain in a marriage relationship. When one or both of you have been hurt, the pain can keep you stuck from going forward and cause resentment. Forgiveness is a process. Counseling provides a safe place for you both to work through hurts and disappointments together.
5. Conflict Resolution: Unresolved issues are the main cause of mental and emotional distress in a marriage. Avoiding a problem or overreacting to one creates a wedge in your relationship. Learning how to resolve matters no matter how big or small the issue may be will lead to peace and harmony in your marriage.
6. Parenting: A child’s development and wellbeing often depends on the relationship between their parents. Counseling gives you and your wife an opportunity to look at how you are parenting as a couple and strengthen both your parenting style and parenting plan. One of the most important ways to love your child is to set an example of loving your wife.
7. Childhood: Sharing childhood experiences with your wife and gaining a better understanding of what influenced her during childhood helps you both have insight into the adults you are today. Sometimes we are blind to the habits and patterns we have developed from our childhood experiences and family influences. A professional counselor can help you gain insight into your childhood experiences and the positive or negative impact they are having on your marriage today.
8. Goals: Do you know what goals your wife has for your marriage? What are her financial goals, parenting goals, personal goals…How does she imagine her future with you in 5 years…10 years? Have you shared your goals with her? Counseling gives you an opportunity to develop and share your goals with each other and then create a plan to reach them. Dreaming about and planning for the future creates a romantic connection and excitement in your marriage.
9. Trust: Marital romance does not exist without intimate trust. When trust is broken, it takes time rebuild feelings of safety and confidence in your relationship. If trust is an issue in your marriage, coming to counseling shows your willingness to be open and honest and will give you and your wife the tools to rebuild and maintain trust for a lifetime.
10. Commitment: Giving time, money and energy to the counseling process is the most romantic way to show your wife you are committed to her and to your marriage. It shows how much you value her. There is no greater way to earn her respect than to be a man who honors his commitments and is wiling to learn and grow with her for a lifetime.
As a Certified Sex Therapist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, I help couples address a broad spectrum of sexual issues. In my experience, I believe there are three basic facts that all couples should know to help them maintain a healthy sexual relationship that is intimate and fulfilling for both partners.
1. You Have To Talk About Sex
Communication is the Foundation of Relationship and we all know how important talking to each other…really talking to each other, is to the success of any partnership. Many of the couples I help in Sex Therapy treatment and Couples Counseling have never really talked about sex. There are very valid reasons for avoiding the subject. Probably the most common reason is the fear of hurting each other’s feelings. We don’t want to hurt the person we love or embarrass them (or ourselves). Then there is the belief that you just don’t talk about sex…yes, even in today’s world children are being raised in a home and culture where talking about sex is taboo. So couples simply do not know what questions to ask or how to go about approaching the topic. Regardless of the reason for not talking about sex, every couple should be talking about it. One easy way to begin would be to make an effort to bring up the topic with your partner on your next date night by sharing something you really love about having sex with them. Also, think about purchasing a book on the topic and read it together in the evening. Both of these suggestions will most likely break the ice and help you both feel more natural discussing the topic and help you grow even closer as a couple.
2. Sexual Problems Are Very Common
Don’t ever base the quality of your sex life together on performance. There are a large number of potential sexual problems that can occur for a couple over the lifespan. As a couple, your goal should be enjoying each other sexually as a natural extension of your relationship. The goal should not be having an orgasm, or having to perform for a length of time, or a certain number of times a week you have to have sex. Every couple is unique and will most likely experience some type of sexual dilemma during their relationship over a life span. Anxiety, depression, age, disease, stress, physical illness, trauma, differing desire levels, pregnancy, hormones, biology, genes, beliefs, and surgery are just a few of the many factors that affect a couple’s sexual interaction. There is nothing to be embarrassed about, sexual issues are a part of life and are treatable. When you and your partner begin to experience sexual issues, remember you are a team and together you can address the problems with success. Be open and talk about the sexual problem, be supportive of each other, get educated on the issue you are experiencing, and if you can’t solve it on your own or with your medical doctor, then meet with a Certified Sex Therapist and they will most likely help you solve the problem.
3. A Healthy Sexual Relationship is a Collaborative Process
In order for a couple to enjoy a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship, they must understand that it is a collaborative process. Remember you are a team, partners in every aspect of your relationship and your sexual relationship is no different than any other area. Below are the characteristics of a collaborative process that must be applied as a couple in order to successfully address sexual problems when they exist. Discuss these as a couple alone or with a Couples Therapist to help you and your partner successfully resolve sexual problems.
- Parity Within The Couple
- Mutual Goals
- Shared Responsibility for Participation
- Shared Responsibility for Decision Making
- Shared Resources
- Shared Accountability for Outcomes
- Reliability on Mutual Trust