“Angerholic” | 5 Signs of Anger Addiction

Do you know someone who seems to be irritable all the time or “flies off the handle” and goes into a rage over something that doesn’t go their way? Do you have family members or friends who hurt people with verbal or physical abuse and then feel really bad about it, apologize, promise never to do it again…only to end up doing it again and again?

Causes for uncontrollable anger may stem from childhood neglect, abuse, or trauma, underdeveloped emotions, learned behavior, enjoyment of the adrenaline rush, lack of conflict resolution skills, abandonment and trust issues, the need to feel in control, or the need to feel safe.

The Importance of Anger in the Betrayal Trauma Healing Journey with Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck

Anger is an emotion everyone experiences, but some people develop an addiction to being in a state of Anger or become an “Angerholic” because it may be the only emotion that they know how to express when they have an unmet need. Psychology professionals continue to discuss multiple theories of addiction origin and treatment, but there is no doubt that Anger Addiction is an ongoing issue affecting many people seeking counseling and ongoing research is needed.

BAAM’s 2008 Boiling Point Report provides the following statistics taken from a survey of 2000 people:

  • 32% have a close friend or family member who has trouble controlling their anger.
  • 12% say that they have trouble controlling their own anger.
  • 28% say that they worry about how angry they sometimes feel.
  • 20% say that they have ended a relationship or friendship with someone because of how they behaved when they were angry.
  • 64% either strongly agree or agree that people in general are getting angrier.

There are many reasons people may be “getting angry”, but if anger is causing problems for you or someone you love, there is help available through Anger Management Therapy to address the issues and develop the skills needed to manage Anger. Below are 5 Warning Signs that may indicate someone is an “Angerholic”.

5 Signs of Anger Addiction

  1. Excessive Irritability – This is when a person seems to be irritable most of the time, even when there is no known reason to be irritable. Also, there is an increase “over the years” instead of a decrease with maturity. This may be evident in an adolescent that matures into their adult life continuing to display irritability most of the time.
  1. Isolation & Secret Grudges – Another sign is if a person who is irritable a lot seems to also like to spend time alone and not enjoy being around other people. They may seem to hold a grudge against people who they believe have done them wrong. Perhaps they were caught doing something in anger secretively such as destroying photos, making false accusations against a person, or destroying someone else’s property in anger.
  1. Outbursts of Anger – If a person has anger outbursts in response to anything that doesn’t go the way the wanted, they are not able to adjust to change without an angry outburst, or they get people to do what they want by having an angry outburst are all behaviors that indicate a serious problem with anger.
  1. Critical and Sarcastic Attitude – If someone uses negativity and sarcasm to communicate most of the time whether the criticism is directed at themselves or others is a sign of unhealthy communication rooted in anger.
  1. Feelings of Guilt and Shame – When someone is aware of their issue with anger, they may express feelings of guilt and shame and make several attempts to change unsuccessfully. The inability to stop engaging in anger driven thoughts, emotions, and behaviors on their own is a sure sign of addiction.

 

The Key to Happiness is Gratitude – not Attitude

4 Ways to Practice Gratitude:

Having a positive attitude is a great way to face life every day, but if you do not know how to embrace and practice gratitude, you may still be unhappy.  In the busy world we live in, it can be very difficult to be grateful, especially when we are facing challenges with our relationships, family, finances, or health issues.  Many times in counseling, clients will tell me they are optimistic and have a positive attitude, but they still feel unhappy.  This is usually a result of a disconnect existing between what they are thinking and feeling.  To be happy and healthy regardless of life’s circumstances, we must allow ourselves to connect our thoughts with emotions and spiritual beliefs.  Try these four easy ways to practice embracing gratitude every day.  Then notice how you start feeling calmer and happier even when your circumstances stay the same. 

Be Thankful Two Times a Day:  When gratitude is at the beginning and end of your day – every day will be a good one.  Two things will happen to every person every day…we wake up and we go to sleep.  How we start and end our day is essential to our state of happiness.  Regardless of what time we get up or go to sleep, most of us have some kind of routine like taking a shower and getting dressed in the morning or getting our bed clothes on and saying “good night” to our loved ones in the evening.  Although we can’t always control how our day will go, we can always find something to be grateful for.   Metal health experts suggest that expressing gratitude can be a great way to start and end your day in a way that nurtures our mental and emotional wellbeing.  Try making it a habit during your morning and evening routine to express gratitude out loud and notice how different your days are!    

Be Specific in Your Gratitude:  Be sure to be specific when you are acknowledging what you are thankful for.  Try saying both what you THINK and how you FEEL.  This allows the brain to think specifically and connect with a feeling emotionally so you are more likely to be positively impacted for overall wellbeing.  For example, don’t just say, “I am thankful to be healthy”, but think about what being healthy means for you.  Instead, say, “I am so thankful that I can see the beautiful colors of the clothes I am wearing today, because wearing this outfit makes me feel pretty”, or, “I am so thankful I can ride bikes with my daughter today after school because I feel happy when we spend time together riding bikes.”   

Share Your Gratitude:  Text, email, tweet, facebook, or call someone and share your specific thoughts and feelings of gratitude with other people.  Try it…it only takes a few minutes to share what you are thankful for with your family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, store clerks, waiters, or whoever you have an opportunity to connect with.  This is a way to “pay it forward”…sharing your gratitude with others will be a blessing to you and them.  Multiple research studies have shown that sharing gratitude strengthens marriages and improves your health.

Include Your Faith:  Whether you are embracing gratitude or sharing it, include your faith practices with your thoughts and feelings.  For example, if you are a Christian, you may want to include thanking the Lord through the practice of prayer, or reading a scripture each morning for inspiration, or sharing a testimony in church.  Research studies support the idea that including whatever faith you practice into your daily gratitude routine will strengthen your overall mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.  

Sometimes in life we just can’t find reasons to be grateful.  If you find yourself struggling to be grateful, feel overwhelmed at the end of every day, or have had significant changes in your life – you may benefit from talking with a counselor who can help you work through your struggles to develop and maintain strong mental and emotional wellbeing. 

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