Adjustment Disorder | Stress From Life Changes

50% of marriages in America are ending in divorce, 9.4% of the population in Florida are unemployed, people are diagnosed with chronic illnesses every day, and the internet makes changes every second that contribute to the ongoing flow of new information we need to be aware of in order to thrive in this global world we are living in.  Every person will experience some type of change on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis throughout a lifespan.  Change of any kind can add a tremendous amount of stress to our lives.  Adjusting to these changes is the key to maintaining strong emotional and mental well-being.  When your normal life is disrupted with change, you may start to feel sad, confused, lonely, desperate, and angry.  You may act out with behaviors that are unusual for you such as fighting, or dangerous driving.  You may also experience symptoms of both anxiety and depression. 

An Adjustment Disorder is a clinical diagnosis resulting from the development of emotional or behavioral symptoms in response to an identifiable stressor(s) occurring within 3 months of the onset of the stressor(s). 

Below are some of the normal and expected symptoms you may be experiencing from adjusting to some kind of change taking place in your life.

Shock / Denial / Anger / Sadness

Excessive Crying / Confusion / Depression

Anxiety / Fatigue / Irritability / Loneliness

Panic Attacks / Changes in Sleep Pattern or Weight

3 Tips for Adjusting to Change: 

Realize Change is Normal:  Allow yourself to feel what comes naturally, express how you are feeling with someone you trust, and realize you may be experiencing the grieving process due to the loss of your old familiar “normal” – this is a completely natural process.  In time, you will adjust to your new “normal” and your feelings of anxiety and depression will decrease.

Expect the Future to be Different:  Understanding that change brings about a different future will help you avoid being depressed and anxious while you are adjusting to the change.  For example, you may have to seek new employment or move away from family, but you may find a more rewarding and better paying job, you may develop stronger bonds with family through communicating long distance because you will put more effort into the relationships – meaning that you will still have a career and family relationships, but they will be different in some way.  Remember change is not necessarily always bad or good, but is always different.  How we adjust and perceive the change is the key to being healthy mentally and emotionally.

Know When to Seek Help:  If your symptoms continue for several months or you begin to realize that these symptoms are interfering with your normal everyday activities and relationships or ability to function, you may need to talk with a professional counselor to help you through this time of adjustment to develop healthy coping skills and a sense of independence to go forward.

Treatment for Adjustment Disorders is usually short term and solution focused.  Counseling is an excellent way to assist you and your loved ones to adjust to any changes in a healthy and productive way.

There is Hope for Healing that produces Harmony through Counseling!

 

COVID 19 Pandemic | Anxiety | Depression

Job loss, financial concerns, your children’s education, fear of sickness, concern for loved ones, and isolation are just a few of the many factors impacting us during this pandemic and uncertain time in our nation.  It is very normal to experience increased anxiety, depression, and irritability during stressful times.  Here are some things to practice in order to keep healthy mentally, emotionally, and relationally…

Acceptance

The most important tool we have is our self-talk.  We have the power to change our mood by changing the way we speak to ourselves.  The first step in keeping our internal peace during a difficult time is to acknowledge that this is happening, it is out of my control, and it is temporary.  Acceptance is essential for our mental well-being.  Our natural reaction to a negative event or circumstance is to be in shock and denial or even become resistant to believing what is happening.  This natural reaction can lead to negative self-talk and irritability, negative thoughts and emotions, and avoidance.  Once we clearly accept the situation, it allows our brain to focus on what we CAN do instead of what we can’t.

Self-Care

Balanced self-care includes a healthy diet, exercise, sleep, spiritual practices, fun, hobbies, and connecting with family and friends. It is important to use online video services and facetime to keep as many of our weekly groups, hobbies, and other meetings going as well as staying connected to friends and loved ones.  And please don’t forget to intentionally make time for fun like watching a funny movie, playing with your pets, playing games, creating something through art or writing, anything that can bring a smile or create some joyful moments. 

We especially have to take care of ourselves physically and spiritually if we are going to maintain a healthy mind and mood during a challenging time.  Exercise decreases stress and improves your mood because your body releases the feel-good chemicals dopamine and endorphins in the brain.  Another benefit of exercise is increased energy during the day which helps you sleep better at night.  Research indicates that exercise keeps your muscles and bones healthy and strong, promotes growth of new brain cells called neurons, and increases the quality and longevity of life.  We have to exercise so think of ways to make it fun and productive as a family while you are home like dancing together, taking a walk, doing an exercise video, jumping in the pool, or cleaning out the garage.

In addition to exercise, giving attention to our spirituality and faith practices is essential to maintaining a health mind and mood.  Think of ways to get some quiet time for yourself to practice meditation, reading your Bible, or praying.  Get the family together as you normally would and watch your church service online, perhaps have a time of singing or getting creative to find ways to practice your spiritual beliefs and rituals. 

Gratitude

During times of uncertainty, loss, and fear, it can difficult to find things to be thankful for in our situation.  Research indicates that practicing gratitude decreases depression and increases happiness and helps people deal with adversity.  Think of practicing gratitude for the past, present, and future.  For example, reflecting on past memories and experiences of successes and blessings, or thinking about other difficult situations and circumstances that you survived and overcame, perhaps lessons you learned that can help you today.  Then focusing on acknowledging your current blessings such as good health, having people who love you, the tangible and non-tangible ways you are blessed.  Keeping an optimistic attitude is a way to practice gratitude focused on the future.  Perhaps express gratitude in words or writing or gifts to someone you appreciate.  Gratitude is a way to acknowledge the goodness in our lives. 

Helping Others

When we do something for someone else, the benefits are very similar to exercise like lowering our blood pressure, reducing physical pain, reducing depression symptoms, increasing mood and quality of life.  It just feels good to know we helped someone else.  Think about calling and chatting for a while with someone you know who lives alone.  What about making a meal or special dessert for your neighbor or mailing a hand-written note to someone telling them how much you appreciate them.  Perhaps the best way to help others is to simply show kindness.  A kind word or deed may actually last much longer than any tangible gift we can give and will also lift our spirits as well as the person we are showing kindness to. 

Managing Anxiety and Depression Symptoms

Practicing acceptance, self-care, gratitude, and helping others are all ways to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression.  When you are feeling anxious, notice your senses to calm down your brain and nervous system.  For example, focus on looking at something with color in the room and smell a fruit, lotion, or candle.  Listen to music or the quiet in the room and feel the chair you are sitting in or the clothing you are wearing.  In addition, breath in your nose counting to 7, hold your breath for a count of 4 then out your mouth counting to 7.  Paying attention to your senses and deep breathing will reduce anxiety in the immediate moment significantly.  To manage feelings of depression, try to keep a daily schedule.  Plan out your day at home with regular time to get up in the morning and going to sleep at night, plan hours you will work, exercise, play, etc.  Structure and consistency will help keep you from clinical depression.  Remember to be gracious to yourself during challenging times because experiencing anxiety and negative feelings is very normal.

Dr. Hollenbeck is a Certified Telemental Health Therapist and offers clients video and phone sessions.  Please call or text 407.408.6521 to schedule an appointment. 

“Angerholic” | 5 Signs of Anger Addiction

Do you know someone who seems to be irritable all the time or “flies off the handle” and goes into a rage over something that doesn’t go their way? Do you have family members or friends who hurt people with verbal or physical abuse and then feel really bad about it, apologize, promise never to do it again…only to end up doing it again and again?

Causes for uncontrollable anger may stem from childhood neglect, abuse, or trauma, underdeveloped emotions, learned behavior, enjoyment of the adrenaline rush, lack of conflict resolution skills, abandonment and trust issues, the need to feel in control, or the need to feel safe.

The Importance of Anger in the Betrayal Trauma Healing Journey with Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck

Anger is an emotion everyone experiences, but some people develop an addiction to being in a state of Anger or become an “Angerholic” because it may be the only emotion that they know how to express when they have an unmet need. Psychology professionals continue to discuss multiple theories of addiction origin and treatment, but there is no doubt that Anger Addiction is an ongoing issue affecting many people seeking counseling and ongoing research is needed.

BAAM’s 2008 Boiling Point Report provides the following statistics taken from a survey of 2000 people:

  • 32% have a close friend or family member who has trouble controlling their anger.
  • 12% say that they have trouble controlling their own anger.
  • 28% say that they worry about how angry they sometimes feel.
  • 20% say that they have ended a relationship or friendship with someone because of how they behaved when they were angry.
  • 64% either strongly agree or agree that people in general are getting angrier.

There are many reasons people may be “getting angry”, but if anger is causing problems for you or someone you love, there is help available through Anger Management Therapy to address the issues and develop the skills needed to manage Anger. Below are 5 Warning Signs that may indicate someone is an “Angerholic”.

5 Signs of Anger Addiction

  1. Excessive Irritability – This is when a person seems to be irritable most of the time, even when there is no known reason to be irritable. Also, there is an increase “over the years” instead of a decrease with maturity. This may be evident in an adolescent that matures into their adult life continuing to display irritability most of the time.
  1. Isolation & Secret Grudges – Another sign is if a person who is irritable a lot seems to also like to spend time alone and not enjoy being around other people. They may seem to hold a grudge against people who they believe have done them wrong. Perhaps they were caught doing something in anger secretively such as destroying photos, making false accusations against a person, or destroying someone else’s property in anger.
  1. Outbursts of Anger – If a person has anger outbursts in response to anything that doesn’t go the way the wanted, they are not able to adjust to change without an angry outburst, or they get people to do what they want by having an angry outburst are all behaviors that indicate a serious problem with anger.
  1. Critical and Sarcastic Attitude – If someone uses negativity and sarcasm to communicate most of the time whether the criticism is directed at themselves or others is a sign of unhealthy communication rooted in anger.
  1. Feelings of Guilt and Shame – When someone is aware of their issue with anger, they may express feelings of guilt and shame and make several attempts to change unsuccessfully. The inability to stop engaging in anger driven thoughts, emotions, and behaviors on their own is a sure sign of addiction.

 

5 Tips for Solving Family Feuds

Every family will experience conflicts at some time or another throughout a life time.  Special occasions, events, and holidays can be difficult when family members are at odds with each other due to unresolved issues.  Attempting to resolve problems within a family always leads to a happier and healthier family dynamic.   The next time you are facing an issue in your family – try following these 5 Tips. 

1.  Remind Yourself…The Problem is the Problem, Not the Person:  When we are at odds with a family member, just hearing their name can make us have feelings of anger and distress.  We can lose sight of what the problem is and begin to hate the person.  Anxiety and anger can cloud our judgment and ability to reason.  Stay focused on what the problem is and what specifically happened.  Remember, we are all capable as human beings to hurt others in some way.  Take a minute and imagine if you were the one who did the wrong and how that may feel.  The person you are in conflict with will be in your family forever, the problem causing the conflict only exists as long as the family allows it to. 

2.  Own Up to Your Part:  Take some time to think about how you may be contributing to the problem.  Sometimes the pain is so overwhelming that we can’t see where we may be contributing to the problem, or our part in the problem may not be clear to us.  Perhaps your part is that you feel stuck and can’t forgive and move forward.  Perhaps you are avoiding addressing the issue because you prefer not to engage in drama, or maybe you simply hate conflict. 

3.  Have a Resolution Idea Before the Confrontation:  Think of at least two ideas of how you think the problem can be resolved.  Next, schedule a meeting with the family member or members and state the problem, own your part, listen to what they have to say, and offer your ideas for resolution.  Be willing to hear their ideas and work together to come to an agreement.  If the entire issue can’t be resolved in one meeting, set a time to meet again and continue the process of working toward complete resolution and restoration of the relationship.  Let the other person know that restoration is important to you.

4.  Realize It Takes Two:  A relationship does not exist without more than one person.  It takes two to fight and two to make up.  Sometime we simply can’t resolve an issue no matter how hard we try.  We have to accept the fact that at least for the present time, the relationship is over.  This is challenging in a family because you may be forced to spend time with them at family functions throughout your life time.  When this happens, make sure you have peace that you have tried your best and then work toward managing your emotions at family events so can enjoy yourself.  Remember…the only person you can control is You! 

5.  Seek Counseling When Needed:  Sometimes, people are so emotionally hurt or the issue is so complex that an objective third party is necessary to help both family members have a voice and work together to resolve issues and restore the relationship.  When you feel like you have tried to mend the relationship with no success, try suggesting that you and the other family member or members schedule a counseling session together.  Remember, the bottom line is restoring the relationship and enjoying peace and harmony in the family.  Healthy relationships are part your overall mental and emotional well-being and learning to resolve conflict is a life skill we all need to develop. 

There is Hope for Healing that leads to Harmony in Life through Counseling!  

 

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